i just made an excel spreadsheet ranking 68 vegetables* from most to least depressing. (with 1 being the most depressing.) Found Man expressed the opinion that cabbage is the most depressing vegetable. i considered this. seriously. far too seriously. so i got “inspired” and overachieving and this spreadsheet has taken up most of my workday.
i’m going to visit FM in a few weeks, but scheduling the visit was such an ORDEAL. it really did “take the pep out of things” as my BFF said. i am pretty sure the poets do not sing of ex-wives with borderline personality disorder. and none of them would ever say: “yeah, that was the best date i ever went on, and i didn’t even hook up with you**!” not that it’s flowery language that i’m yearning for. anyway—the point is just that somehow however it happened, the crazy magic is gone. maybe just dormant, but—Found Man is mortal. i have to find other things to think about all day. like the relative depressingness of vegetables.
i guess i could rank other categories of things the same way. i could ruminate over the relative depressingness of fruits. cheeses. wars. animals. shapes. letters. …? i could make a whole workbook. now this is getting high-concept.
* vegetables in the culinary sense.
** pron. wiccha