our afflictions.

by dorarandom

i had a long conversation with VDF last night. haven’t been talking to him so much lately. of course i haven’t much wanted to, what with the emergence of LP—but whether i wanted to or not, it wouldn’t have mattered, because VDF has been a long time in his native texas, helping his friend chainsaw through a “domestic crisis.” and when he is with chainsaw, he is on planet bro. and when he is in texas, he is in texas. i respect it.

chainsaw is the BFF of VDF. chainsaw is short for “texas chainsaw massacre.” i am fascinated with him. needless to say. a couple of weeks ago VDF sent me a picture of an impressive gut and a fearsome paw driving a car with a glock in one cupholder and a flask in the other—captioned “how a chainsaw weathers a domestic crisis—(and no you can’t marry him).” shattering no stereotypes of texas there! nothing better than drinking and driving except drinking and driving with firearms.

anyway, i digress, but i wanted to explain my fascination—the point is that it was good to talk to VDF. he was very interested in The Procedure. i wasn’t sure whether i would tell him about it or not, because he can be severe sometimes—and i’m not very good at anticipating his severity—but he asked me what was new. and he knows something about the situation down there.

he was very sympathetic and unsevere. most people, i am finding as i disclose, are very sympathetic. (i am starting to laugh about The Procedure, my hysteria, and the mad doctor’s phallic solemnity; i am working on the Ultimate Vaginismus Mix; i am chilling out about the whole)—but it was silly to imagine that VDF would be severe, considering that we first bonded oh-those-many-years-ago when he told me all about how he removed his own kidney stones.

with a paper clip. in india.

which was a hell of a good story. (that is basically it, but that’s enough, i think.) over the years i repeated it often. basically whenever VDF came up in conversation. (well yes) it was always pretty inappropriate but it was too much of a pleasure to make the old men indologists squirm.