à la recherche de titres oubliés. *

by dorarandom


i just spent a good half hour of morning trying to [google-]remember the name of the movie i saw on the worst date i ever went on. which was one of the worst dates that anyone has ever been on (that did not involve violence and/or a crime of some kind). i feel i can state that confidently. he took me to an S&M movie and a pizzeria uno. (it was after dinner and/or pizza time, but we desperately needed a bar, or anyway i did, but we were wandering and did not know where to find one, and so we eventually availed ourselves of a pizzeria uno.)

i don’t know why the title of the movie has eluded me for so long, through so many tellings and retellings of my worst date story, because i remembered that it was 1) french and 2) super generic / “like just ‘madame’ or ‘mademoiselle’ or something, except it can’t be mademoiselle, because that is an actually good movie”—and i remembered that the movie was directed by “a real director who made actual good movies and is famous for those, for some reason i feel like he did the documentary about the guy who defended klaus barbie, though that doesn’t make any sense.” it doesn’t make any sense, but. yes. barbet schroeder is the director and the movie is maîtresse. and i am digressing but it is keeping me calm. because i am about to go on a date. a straight up internet date. via howaboutwe.com. which website seemed innocuous and fun so i thought it was worth trying but i am getting kind of a bad feeling about my intended afternoon guy—like he might be crazy. and it reassures me to know that i have already been on the worst date of all time.

s&m movie man was definitely crazy with no might about it. he was also rather old (very late 40s) with a creepy frail look, openly mostly living off unemployment and/or disability, and at some point at the pizzeria uno told me that he had to leave california because everyone there thought he was a “virtual rapist.” virtual rapist being a phrase you do not want to hear on a date. or ever, really. as i recall i also thought he had work or potential work to offer as a proofreader when i first met him at the movies. though i admit i was into anticipating the humiliation and horror that was likely to result from any evening spent with this guy somehow without admitting it to myself. yikes, i know. i was terrible at being a woman in her 20s.


*probably not how you would actually say this in Actual French.