boom goes the dynamite.*
fair warning: today is a disgust day.
general advice-type warning: consider carefully whether you want to have a hooking-up of any significance at the beginning of a holiday time. when everybody will be off work. i.e. the week of thanksgiving. because you are likely to spend a lot of that week in bed and then suddenly come the next monday you will realize that you are dating the person you hooked up with.
(segue into more specific advice for my hysteric sisters): this is probably especially true if the person is an adult man who believes he has plucked your flower. on some level. best-not-to-think-about-it. pornsick and romantic.
pornsick. romantic. 42. the owner of 3 vintage cars and 25 guitars. almost immediately possessive to a degree that will make you feel doomed. because you are perpetually exhausted and have always had a [strong!] aversion to scenes. and here is someone caring about you and complimenting you and he can use tools and drive in the rain and make your life run smoother. (who is not used to spending much time alone; who is dissipated, with a kinky history; who has arrived at some kind of milestone of stillness and introspection, with a yearning to reproduce; who was unprepared to meet someone like you.) (you: complete with technical/quasi innocence, the quality of being “not all dead inside”, sufficient hotness (and height)**, plenty of childbearing years, and a vagina that feels like the garden of eden.)
and he can cause you physical pleasure, like the Gift Horse. for God’s sake, on tuesday morning i wrote:
well, i feel incredibly awkward writing this, but you said you wanted us to let you know when we had the dreaded intercourse, so. yes, sound sound your instruments of joy, it happened last night. (and then it happened again. and then it happened this morning…) so ah needless to say it was a whole lot better than ‘pain-free intercourse’! it wasn’t non-pain, it was pleasure!
it was incredible! seriously! i really wasn’t expecting that. of course i didn’t know what to expect because i had no idea what sex felt like, but. he is a larger guy, about #7 size.*** i was definitely apprehensive and thinking ‘how the hell is this going to work?’ when all of a sudden everything was working. i was an adult woman having sex with an adult man. (who, for the record, is not weirded out by the dilators/dilating at all. he is actually into it; it intrigues him.) (another thing i really wasn’t expecting!)
i am not broken. it’s overwhelming.
i am really glad i went to see you!
(to my dear freak-doctor, of course.) (A++++ PENETRATION! WOULD FUCK AGAIN.) boom.
but all week i missed you, imaginary reader. and damn i want my notebook and my notes so much more than any man. but yeah, sexual intercourse: i get it! i see what all the fuss is about.
* OR; That Pelvic Floor That All the Boys Chase (The Song Is Still In My Head).
** “and you’re not short! you’re tall! you don’t make me feel like a giant!”
*** approx. 5.5 in. or 139.7 mm in circumference. à la uncle eustace.