a horse of course.

by dorarandom


etiquette-stick-bamboo-cane-by-sian-hoffmanthe Gift Horse had (a) surgery last week so we spent a lot more time talking than ever we have. you know, on account of not being able to do much in the way of sex or drinking or etc. it was sort of weird at first but my mind accommodated itself. he is smart but his mind is brimming over with decades of pop culture nonsense. again, weird at first, but once you get used to it, it is quite restful. i am making him sound like an imbecile; it is my own  snobbishness.

i do not feel soaring grand emotions but hey, maybe he won’t steal my stuff! (or throw it out in some confused booze-and-cocaine-fueled rage and then be justifiably ashamed to admit it! à la LP, à la my new theory.) (there is precedent in a towel rack.) Gift Horse looks through a city paper seeking out events and places i might enjoy and no one has ever done such a thing for me and i do like him. and though it is a little awkward to be newly involved with someone during The Holidays, it is absolutely grand to have someone to ward off The Holiday Despair and defend you from your relatives. (realization: i have never had the opportunity to get a christmas gift for a designated special man before!) (and it is the funnest ever!)

as my mother said, ‘it’s so nice for you to have a family for the holidays!’ (and as i could not resist replying: ‘said my mother!’)

(she also said: ‘does your new man know that your big goal in life is to stay home and do crafts?’ and i did resist replying: ‘well, i know that he really wants to have kids, i know i hate working in an office, and i know we’re being sloppy about contraception!’)*

one interesting and often very funny thing which i believe i have mentioned is that he has a history of real kink. mostly, apparently, on account of his longest-term partner/essentially ex-wife. but so he will casually ask something like: ‘so are you interested in being tied up?’ (‘uh. no.’ ‘oh thank God.’) and then there was the long humorous misunderstanding where he thought i wanted to be blindfolded and engage in some kind of formal partner-swapping-and-or-voyeuristic-what-the-hell but uh i just wanted to feed him some candy.**

i did send him a link to the grotesquely overpriced but seriously beautiful cane pictured above and sold via the absolute classiest sex crap store i have ever seen. hinting madly. seriously. they call it an ‘etiquette stick.’ (‘so are you interested in being hit with a cane?’ ‘not really. i mean it could be okay. i guess i’d rather hit you with a cane?’ ‘….well. if you want to. it won’t really do anything for me.’ ‘i just want to hear the sound, really.’) (quoth the BFF: ‘it really would help put a lot of literature in context.’)

* hey, i’m still catholic. insert smiley emoticon here.

** i am surely one to stay away from if you feel a health and fitness craze coming on. quoth myself: ‘think of it like, for every day of pain and/or deprivation you have, you get to have two and/or three days of mad screwing, gluttony, and excess. (i should be a motivational speaker!)’