ex(es) of the year.
i spent all day yesterday—and it was a very long day—riding around with The Gift Horse, in my car, while he looked at cars to buy for himself. his old focus recently died—well it was exactly two weeks ago—we were going to brunch (don’t you have brunch with your ex-boyfriend on a sunday morning? is it really so strange?) and he was taking the long way because i was crying about Tread-Lightly and he wanted to give me time to dry up. and then the car died and we had to be towed, it turned out to be a big thing, etc. i wanted to blame Tread-Lightly but apparently it was just a matter of [a very short] time—you know, it would’ve died either before or after brunch. The Gift Horse also has a big pickup truck and he was content to just drive that through the winter, i guess, but yesterday morning that turned out to be dead too. essentially. (‘well, it is working! but you can’t change gears.’ ‘so, it’s not really working, is it?’) hence our day out in search of a new (used) car. hours in the drizzle and chill of the used car lots of southern pennsylvania. hours in an overly fluorescent nissan showroom in some suburb where the boredom and the waiting and the piped-in pop music and looking at all the middle-class couples buying cars together* eventually broke me down and i started crying again (kept it to a trickle, though). The Gift Horse turned to me then and said (with feeling): ‘you’re good people, dora. you’ve been so patient all day. i really owe you for this one.’ which made me feel a little better but cry a little harder.
cars are incredibly boring to me. except my own car—i constantly surprise myself with how much i love Pedro. but The Gift Horse loves cars; he can’t help talking about them even when he’s not looking to buy one. it was a very tedious day. i woke up sad yesterday, and all the car-chat and used-car salesmen and the hours of waiting around didn’t do much to get my mind off my sadness. but actually helping a person, i do think that’s often pretty tedious. that’s the nature of it. a couple of times yesterday i burst into real sadness—or The Gift Horse would provoke it! (‘i just don’t understand how that guy could’ve had this effect on you.’) (well, let me tell you how! between sobs.) so i might’ve given as good as i got, tedium-wise—although The Gift Horse is really sorry and mystified to see me so down—and he is genuinely interested in the details of my lovelife, as i am in his—it probably is sort of an odd relationship that we have, but it’s a very nice one. a testament to the goodness and loyalty in both of us, i think. the whole ‘let’s just be friends’ thing, we actually got it down. (personally i don’t think there should be a ‘just’ there. i think friendship is seriously underrated. both in terms of how profound and how difficult it can be.)
on the lighter side: the car that he did finally end up buying is already broken! some kind of clutch issue—apparently it wouldn’t shift this morning. most inauspicious.
* in italics because yeah, i know, that’s ridiculous. what a ridiculous thing to get upset about. buying a car is stressful. most of the couples were probably arguing bitterly.