a glass of hate.

by dorarandom

well. reading over yesterday’s entry. i let myself be myself in that one. hate and all.

being back at work was probably a little worse than i thought it would be. and i did feel a little guilty because Grigg (my boss) is so nice and was so genuinely glad to see me. he kept telling customers that i’d been in scotland and i was finally back and wasn’t it wonderful to see me again! God bless him. and they were (mostly) like (i would be, or like most normal people would be), ‘that’s nice, can i order now?’

i brought a bottle of harris gin as a present for the bar which was transparently a present for myself as i work at the bar—gin and tonics helped me keep a gentle fuzz going in my head to help me from noticing how much i hate everyone. we actually used to be able to drink behind the bar but (as often happens…) one of the other bartenders abused the privilege and spoiled it for everyone. he got plastered and asked a customer to take his shirt off. etc. this happened a couple months ago—i didn’t think i’d mind not being able to drink but i didn’t realize how much i’d been relying on that gentle fuzziness for my gentle fuzziness. (i don’t think the paper would’ve said i was ‘one of the most personable bartenders in town’ if i hadn’t had it going on; let me be real with you.)

i’m a lot surlier these days. my #1 most hated conversation topic is weddings—not, as you might think, people talking about their own weddings, but people complaining about the number of weddings that they have to go to. ‘yahhhhhh….we really thought last year was going to be our last big year for weddings, but we have 8 or 9 this year, and we absolutely can’t skip any of them! they’re all people we’re really close to. i mean the one next week, that’s for my very best guy friend from college. but these weddings, it’s going to be a lot of travelling…and it can be so hard to find a good dog-friendly hotel in florida…’ ‘oh, i know. connor was telling me that.’

you would not believe how frequently i hear conversations like the above. or how often i’m called on to express sympathy during such conversations! (maybe you would. but i don’t believe it myself, and i live it.) i have actually started saying: ‘yes, it must be awful to have so much money and so many friends.’ this is the kind of the thing that you can only get away with saying if you are an awfully nice person—and it’s just about the only worldly reward you get from being an awfully nice person—you can get away with making fun of people to their faces because they don’t believe you’re doing it. ‘oh dora! isn’t she funny! she’s teasing!’ (i just love this good-natured ribbing!) so scrupulously polite i can just about get away with it…but still. i’m definitely on the edge with that line.

#2 most hated? i hear you ask. (yes, dora, the world clamors to know!) probably has to be how hard it is to find a parking place. i’ll just say it’s parking: in all its aspects.
#3 would be real estate: in all its aspects.
#4: how you’re remodeling your kitchen.
#5: how you used to have dental insurance but now you don’t anymore
#6: where you or anyone in your family went to college or wants to go to college.
(might as well try to go for a top ten at this point)
#7: the details of your fitness routine
#8: engagement photos
#9: christmas (seasonal)
#10: anything that involves facebook

you may be surprised that sports don’t even make the top ten. i don’t actually mind people talking about sports because it’s so easy to tune out. also because at least it’s not people talking about themselves.

i admit i had a hard time filling out that list. 9 and 10 required real effort. maybe i’m not so full of hate as i thought. (or maybe i just haven’t thought about hating as much as i thought…)

‘so, lindsay offers to go to one of those gourmet cupcake places to try to find the same thing that we were trying to get. but bree was already trying to help out.’ ‘i could see your disappointed face about the curtains…i know, the windows are that unusual size…they turned out to be 96 inches! after i’d painstakingly* measured them!’ this is language in the wild, people. this is the inane chatter i have to wade through every day. the poor BFF, i sent him a whole bunch of texts in the car yesterday trying to remember the text of sonnet #111.

me:  work! do not want!!!!
     i just want to stay home in bed and read about mountain-climbing
     accidents and trench warfare
     ...
     potions of eisell etc.
     pity me then dear friend and i assure thee almost that your pity
     were enough to cure me
     public means which public manners breeds!!
BFF: Dora Random: 12 new messages
me:  sorry about that!
BFF: how late do you work?
me:  i work until i fucking die
BFF: that is not true. let's face it, Grigg would prop your corpse up
     with wires and make it work until closing.

____

* i guess i do kind of like that she used the word ‘painstakingly.’ some style points there.

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